如果跑到一半卻下起了大雨...

今天我們又去港灣步道練跑步。四月小綠眼和我的目標是要從Canton跑到Henderson's Wharf Inn，來回約6.5公里。跑到一半卻下起了大雨。

小綠眼的腳比較長，所以他每次都跑在我前面。(當然他體力比我好也是一個原因啦XD)

剛開始只是毛毛雨，後來越來越大，最後變成"傾盆大雨"。衣服褲子都濕了，視線幾乎看不見。可是我的車子還在出發處，即使我要放棄，我也需要回到車上吧!

那時我深刻體會到:只要踏出去了，不管再困難也只好做完，不然要在路邊站著冷的要死等著雨停嗎?

為什麼那麼多人還是選擇要跑長跑?

因為每一次完成目標後都更確信地知道自己其實做的到。

附上跑步路線圖 (從右邊的canton跑到圖上的左邊Henderson Wharf再折返)

青蔥麵包

麵粉 4 C

酵母 1 1/2 t

白糖 1T 1t

溫水 1 1/2C

鹽 1 t

青蔥 一把 (8大支)

發 三十分鐘

翻轉 發一小時

425度 25分鐘 (需要修正 底部焦掉)

idiot proof巧克力蛋糕

這是我所知道最簡單的巧克力蛋糕，但是相當好吃:口感佳、綿密，但不硬。

做失敗是有點困難...

糖 1 杯 (白和黃各1/2)

麵粉 1 3/4 杯

baking powder 1 1/2 t

baking soda 1 1/2

可可粉 3/4 杯

鹽 1 t

蛋 2

無糖yogurt 1 杯 (也可以用sour cream)

油 1/2杯

熱水 1 杯

將粉類篩過，接著加入蛋、yogurt、油 攪勻

之後倒入熱水

攪勻 (差不多就可以)

350F 25 min

這次是用長方形的金屬盒 裡面舖 parchment paper

筷子拔出來乾淨即可

note 1: 原來的食譜用兩杯糖

note 2: 沒有yogurt or sour cream, 就用milk+ 1T 醋

沒有照片 因為被吃完了

Note安全產品

beautypedia

cosmeticsdatabase

goodguide

cosdna

the body shop aloe

loreal bare naturale mineral

city Veil

L'oreal UV Perfect SPF 50+++

小地雷

Ageless Essentials® Continuous Hydration Night

大地雷

Neutrogena Ageless Essentials Continuous Hydration SPF 25

原來在波士頓看到的人手一個菜市場包是...法國名牌阿

我不是一個關心時尚的人，是一個觀察環境的人。

辦公室來了一個法律系的實習生，他拿了一個粉紅色的Le Pliage (我也不知道怎麼念，這是法文)。後來去波士頓，看到每個妹手上都拿一個這樣的袋子。款式簡單，顏色豐富，讓我很納悶為什麼大家都拿一樣的袋子。

遠遠看，這袋子長的真普通。材質也沒有很特殊，像是塑膠布，上面有一塊皮和一個扣子，所以想必是可以摺起來，用成小小的放在書包，攜帶方便。因為LOGO實在太不起眼了，雖然拉鍊的扣環看起來有設計感，但我還是以為

"這是某個百貨公司的贈品吧!"

又因為實在太多人拿了，偏偏在巴爾地摩和紐約都沒有看到這樣平平撞包的景象，所以我就更加覺得

"波士頓的女孩真有趣。這應該真的是某個贈品吧!"

雖然我心裡覺得這好像是贈品，但有又隱隱覺得波士頓這個東北角的妹們應該沒有這麼"平民"吧。所以嘗試在Amazon看這個包是不是某個暢銷款。Amazon找尋菜市場包失敗。

就在我晚間看奇摩新聞時，連進一個網頁，哈，終於讓我看到了。

原來這個包是 Longchamp (long champion的縮寫? 長冠軍?)的Le Pliage。共有12個顏色。要價USD$145。材質：聚醯胺(尼龍)。

$145元的尼龍袋

問：尼龍是塑膠嗎?

原來我是非常白癡的人

其實我最近心情不好，這並不是什麼新聞，因為心情不好是我的專長。
只不過我在自己的網誌晃了一下，看了過去的一些文章，突然覺得其實我的生活還滿有趣的；充滿了新奇的事情(我自己這樣覺得啦)，然後又常常打出一些很白癡的話，舉一些似是而非的例子；有時咄咄逼人，而且有很多錯字。
2006年 6篇

2007年 18篇

2008年 12篇

2009年 71篇

2010年 48篇

(我剛才excel做了直方圖，本來想要依據標籤再做一個圖，但是很多文章都沒標籤。做研究不謹慎，data collect不齊全，要加強)

看完之後心情好了一點。

2010年三月有幾篇很好笑的。

孤獨

兩個人也可以很孤獨。

一個人的人多半覺得兩個人就不會孤獨。於是很希望變成兩個人。
直到有一天，兩個人中的一個人發現，兩個人也可以孤獨。

兩個人只是不孤單，每天(或常常)有個伴；孤獨卻是一種心理狀態*。

+++ +++ +++
又是一篇浪費版面的廢文。寫作是一種therapy；直到我能說得出真心話前，我都會一直處在現在的泥沼中。孤獨的一個人憤怒。uurrggghhh >"<


* 根據教育部國語辭典簡編版，

孤獨有三解釋：
1.禮記 禮運 幼而無父和老而無子的人
2.單獨
3.孤單寂寞

孤單有一解釋：
單獨無依

說再見

A time for everything
Ecclesiastes 3:1-
A Time for Everything
For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest

A time to cry and a time to laugh

A time to grieve and a time to dance

該是時候了，但其實我沒有準備好。

過去的將近一個月，白天很難專心，晚上很難入睡。躁動不安。

我不知道該怎麼辦，我不知道要說什麼。

別人的安慰是好心，可是我聽了卻很生氣。

我有很多話，多半是很多憤怒。我變得很生氣，生氣世界。

可以打包行囊滾回去了嗎?

好 所以我超遜的，只是因為機歪的總體經濟分析把我搞的要瘋掉，昨天遇到智障的店員，加上未來一整個不明朗，所以我想要滾回去了。

偷偷的走

阿嬤怪阿公是「偷偷的走」。他走的時候，小雲帶阿嬤去新光醫院門診，家裡沒其他人（約兩點多，打電話問阿公，阿公有接電話），過了下午五點，阿嬤回到家，看到阿公已身倒在床前地板上，她試著叫醒「清阿！清阿！」，接著叫小雲打救護車，通知大舅媽「爸爸暈到了」。小雲聽119建議，對阿公做CPR，救護人員到時，也是CPR；告知家屬要送醫，阿嬤說：不用送醫了。事後我看了死亡書上寫著：心肺衰竭死於2月22日下午4時。

小雲說當她回家時，先看到廚房的瓦斯有小火苗燒著，聽到阿嬤叫她打119時，去房間看阿公，阿公眼睛睜開著，嘴巴張著，手已冰冷。

阿嬤描述著：阿公已換上乾淨的內褲，睡褲的兩管已穿到膝蓋下，躺在地上，一脚直伸，另一脚彎曲著；我們推測，阿公可能是站起來穿褲時倒地的。

本週一，阿公已做過肺功能檢查，預定週三斷層掃描。

我們每人都知道該照顧自己更多，也要照顧好阿嬤。

好累

我厭倦念書，應付考試，承受教室裡不平等的權利。

學位只是一張紙

在美國工作

在異國工作的心情好複雜

要有禮貌但有不能太過於謙遜

遇到笨蛋又只好默默接受 (不然要怎樣，事後跟老闆說他是笨蛋嗎?)

寫e-mail的措辭要小心，確定用字和句意是對事不對人，沒有指責對方的意思。

適當的時候要打圓場和閉嘴。這些事情也許在職場上都是相同的，無論在哪一國。

但是當換了一種語言和文化，困難度就變得高。

華人中的禮多人不怪在西方並不適用。

不是你的錯就不要禮貌性的我不對

真是一大挑戰

Week 2 class 1

這個老師實在太機車了，所以我決定要好好記錄上課，期末evaluation時大電他一番。

He is arrogant. He constantly saying: do you know what I mean. He sets the rules that students should communicate to him in person because he does not listen to voice mails and have too many emails. He also said he will not reply to emails.

First, he does not show appreciating of students' questions, especially when the questions is simple but crucial. For example, what format does he want for the assignment. One student asked, "what is the font, size, etc?" He replied, in a way that the student asked a stupid question, " the standard size 12, margin one inch." He suggested that students' ought to think if the font is too small, it will be difficult for him to see. Another student inquire about spacing. He replied as if it is a dumb question that "it should be single space...the assignment is one page only. I don't want 250 words..."

Two, he give students nicknames. For example, he called some "math guy."

Three, he does not seem to prepare for "this" class. The slide used in this class was originally prepared for a speech outside of UMBC. In addition, this was not the topic listed in the syllabus. He said he was jump around, talking about what is the interesting topic or current. However, this course is a in a seminar format. Thus, the randomness is not all that appropriate.

Finally, throughout the class, he showed that his personal preference and interest is more important. Some examples include do not expect him to reply to e-mails or listen to voice mail (consequently, if message is not delivered, the student is accountable); set tedious rules on how the assignment should be turned in (e.g. Assignment # 1 3 Euro questions). While these are tiny things, it just show that this person is inconsiderate of others.

The classroom should not be a extreme unbalance of power, especially at higher education. Instructors and students should be mutually accountable. This is a required course for the students, so students have no choice but to take it. Is this instructor the only person to teach this course? Is this his choice of teaching it? If so, does that grant him the right to be a tyrant in the classroom?

為了我們的project，今天終於試了三件衣服。以上兩件是小綠眼沒有昏倒的。經過今天的經驗，結論是：

1. 我太小隻

2. 我太小隻

3. 我太小隻

就連2號都太會掉下來...看來我需要吃胖一點

梨薑蛋糕

Pear and Ginger Cake

去年感恩節之後，迷上於薑汁和黑蜜糖 (molasses)的香味。試了幾種molasses的蛋糕，但是都過於黏膩。

我是一個做東西看家裡有什麼再去找食譜的人，沒想到有西洋梨、薑、黑蜜糖的組合，當然就高高興興的試試。

食譜中用的allspice可用cinnamon, clove, black pepper 和nutmeg取代。基本的組合是1單位allspice需要cinnamon (1/2) and clove (1/2)。但是也有人加nutmeg and pepper。我就是每樣都用1/4單位。但1/8t實在很小匙，所以就自由心證啦。

小綠眼說很好吃，叫我把食譜留下來 (真難得)。

1 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon ground allspice

1/4 teaspoon salt

2/3 stick unsalted butter

1/4 cup water

1/4 cup packed dark brown sugar

1/2 cup molasses

3 large eggs

1/4 cup grated peeled ginger

1 pear

350度
將烤盤上塗奶油再裹麵粉 (我是用9x13x2吋
玻璃)

1. 篩麵粉和乾料
   
2. 奶油和水一起融化
   
3. 黑蜜糖和糖打勻，加蛋(一次一個)
   
4. 加粉類攪勻 (輕、柔、勻即可)
   
5. 加入奶油水和薑
   
6. 倒入烤盤，把西洋梨隨意排一排
   
7. 烤35分鐘
   

有關molasses
http://mypaper.pchome.com.tw/vicky88/post/1313399872

不肯面對自己

People hate to change; I am no exception.

今天不知怎的想幫網誌換新造型，沒想到除舊布新(成語是動詞嗎? 應該是要用"欲"除舊布新嗎?)的下場就是只能選新範本，再也無法(這並不全然是正確的；我可以修改html) 在照片上寫的"Happiness Will Come Through"，然後下面接一串"成就快樂巴拉的"。(恩，我嘗試了一小時；青春阿~)

昨天出門洗衣服前開了實體信箱(有個郵差會把信件放入的那種)，收到一張明信片。隨便看了一眼，關鍵字: 西岸、happy birthday、merry christmas、寄件人XXX。

放回信箱。鎖上。

小綠眼問我那誰寄的。我說XXX。睡前，我對小綠眼說，我生日是三個月前的事情；聖誕節是兩個月前的事情，地址是三個禮拜前問我的，那張明信片寄的也太慢了。

這是數月來其中一件令我忿忿的事，但我怎麼這樣計較? 沒有感謝別人的祝福，卻想要在"明信片"上寫 "查無此人" (郵件若有寄件者地址，信件會被退回；但明信片沒有"from: whom and where"；想要寫"查無此人"這個衝動足以凸顯我的荒謬。)

與人的關係越來越疏離。"沒有朋友"是自己為了要繼續孤僻的藉口，不想與人相處或連絡才是真正的原因。必須區別的是自己並非懶惰(想要做而不做謂之懶惰)，而是不想要。

不肯面對自己。

因為逃避自己的情緒，因為不想要面對自己，所以沒有寫下生活的心得、煮的食物、承受的壓力、對自己的期許、對他人的生氣、對世界的不解。這是懶惰。

每天都奄奄一息但卻假裝很行。

突然覺得自己很可笑。

2010年 三月 星期五 紫色金剛車壞掉

It isn't really about "a broken car." It is the shock.

To say it was a trauma would be overrated.

I was on the bridge, in the car, and trying to speak. I tried to stay calm but my heart was racing. It isn't even rational. But I didn't know whom I could call for help. The only phone book I have is the numbers in my cell, and there aren't that many numbers.

I sat there waiting for my car to be repaired. The clock ticked and ticked. From 10 to 12 to 2 to 4. I didn't know if I should go ask them or if I should stay put. I didn't know how much they'd charge me. I didn't know how much it would cost me. I didn't know if I have enough money. I didn't know if I don't have enough money, would that person let me leave. I didn't have a credit card.

I remember vividly that I took 100 cash into my purse that morning. I usually don't bring cash with me. I almost brought a camera, just because I thought I might want to take a picture of dad and I at the airport. I didn't wear socks because I figure I would be home soon. I didn't eat breakfast because we left at 5:45. I only had two sips of coffee.

That day was colder than usually.

I watched MTV for 9 hours.

Then we were told that only three cylinders are working. We drove back on 295 and the temperature was too hot. The alert sound keep went off. We were told not to go over 50. When the speed is too low, the car starts tumbling.

Then I called the repair shop. He told me to go to a gas station and check the water. I don't know which is the water tank. We go off the highway, but we couldn't see a gas station. We had to make a decision on which way to turn. It was dark and cold.

Then the car cooled down but we can't get the engine to start and run. We tried and tried. We successfully drove 50 yards, then the engine went off. We were in the middle of a intersection. There were cars behind us. We tried and tried. Then we slide into a residential parking lot. We had to make a decision.

Then i called my auto mechanic's shop but it was answering machine. Then I called his Dad's shop. The number was redirect to his cell somewhere and he couldn't hear me at first. I was afraid that he doesn't know me. But then he probably did.

I called the tow truck. He asked me where I was. I couldn't clearly describe my location. He asked what streets am I on. I ran out the car to check. I told him I am opposite of Harley Davidson Motorcycle. I was outside the car looking at the street signs, Wei was yelling from the window: tell him we are opposite the Harley Davidson shop... He asked for my name and number, told us to wait around 45 to 60 minutes, then we hang up. I called again because I forgot to ask if he can give us a ride back. I also asked for his name. Then we waited and the tow truck came. It was cold. My feet were cold.

It was a fancy tow truck. Not the kind that leave your rear wheels rolling on the ground. The kind that your whole car is on the truck. The interior was fancy. I knew it was going to cost a lot. I didn't have a choice. I didn't ask the price. I knew I didn't have to pay him because the car will be towed to the repair shop and the Dad will bill me later.

What if I didn't bring my cellphone like I usually don't.

What if I didn't have 700 dollars in my checking account to pay for fixing the car a the garage.

What if I didn't have the 100 dollars of cash to pay for the first tow.

What if no one picked up the phone that morning.

What if Susannah hadn't help us find a tow company.

What if I didn't have the number to the Dad's shop.

What if the Dad didn't pick up the phone.

What if my cellphone battery died.

What if Wei's cellphone battery also died.

For the whole day, I ate a piece of bread, a hot dog, a can of root beer, a tiny candy, and two sips of coffee.

I came home at 9:30 and ate pizza and beer.

I am frightened. I can't tell Wei about this. We hadn't been able to get along for two days.

all day every day

I feel the condition is not stable but my informal therapist thinks even if it is unstable, I seem to function alright. I can sleep, can eat, can go to work, can maintain my weekly jog.

But I am in a bad mood, all day every day. I am irritable and impatient. I am tired and stressed.

I stopped going to my real therapist because the center upset me two weeks ago. It is very stupid of me. The center has to deal with one less case but I actually need the sessions. So, stupidity on my behalf.

These are just several lines of meaningless and incomplete sentences.

This is my sulking

I didn't perform very well at work today because my mind was preoccupied with the news I got yesterday. D-boss told me that Center has not sponsored H visa since 2005. This is terrible news. I was counting on a full-time job and H visa after this contract ends. Where will I go now?

And hence, while I was so proud of putting tables together without being told to do so, I completely forgot to include three categories, which means that in terms of accomplishing a task, I failed and the extra work of putting tables is useless. This is me sulking.

I am not at all excited with life. I am tired. I have countless papers to write, and tons of papers to read. I am constantly debating when and where to get gas because I don't have the cash to do it. I tell myself not to eat non-essential food because every dollar I save is one extra dollar to spend. I can write a list of things I want for birthday and Christmas, but what is the point? I can't afford to get my hair cut. I wore a skirt to work today because you can't wear the same outfit to work two days in a row. I only have two work pants, and one is in the laundry basket.

This is me, stuck. Oh yes, I should be grateful for the daily bread. Can bread turn into words? Oh dear Lord, may I exchange the daily bread for term papers?

blog writing

寫字是一種習慣。每天寫是一種恆心。

爸送了我一台新的筆電。11吋，電池效能很好，輕巧的一台讓我可以隨時用打字的方式記錄事情。網路的訊息很豐富，更需要有效的管理。

這學期很忙，但是我希望自己可以有把事情都做好。