Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Drag

Everyday is a drag. Every morning, I drag to get up. Then 30 minutes after I sat down, the anxiety kicks in. The fearful pressure of thesis composing. Lately, the weather had been sunny. I should like this weather, but somehow I don't. Everything reminds me that April is going by fast and my thesis is not.

Anxiety attack.

It is this feeling that I am so tired that I might die. Not those 'i might as well as go to hell' sort of feeling, rather like 'i am always in hell.' It is dreadful, painful, and dragging.

Me the whiner can't get a grip.

I know this feeling. I have known this feeling since I was 15. It is this anxiousness emotion that you feel like you can't breath. Lately, the volume is high and low. Sometimes it is really bad, others just feel like a drag.

I just hope that someone can free me from all these crap emotions. But seriously, deep down, even the whiner knows that the only person that can set me free, is me.

The stuck feeling, not hoping tomorrow to come, yet don't hope today to end.

--ignore the nonsense that I blahed blahed blahed

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

milestone

This morning is a milestone. I got up at 6.30 and made myself a cup of 'french press coffee'. The bean I used is Brazilian Santos. French press is convenient, although the downside is that if the bean is not well-blended, then the coffee is 'dusty', especially when drinking the bottom. As for taste, it is rather light. (My mother will be happy to know that for the next month, the coffee I am drinking is 'light'.)

I made a resolution to practice writing and read enormously. Although it is not yet the time for my GRE test, I realize English proficiency don't pop up overnight. It is definitely not the case that I pray to God for power and then I gain superpower the morning after. Therefore, I have decided that I will write something everyday, a.k.a. craps. Since reading and writing are compliments, which means that to write well, one needs to read lots. Hence, I have assigned myself to read something everyday. Unlike the usually leisure reading, I now have to take notice of the structure, word usage, and ideas. Basically, I have to study how the native speaker writes. So here is my plan: reading materials includes TIME, Scientific American, and Wall Street Journal; writing topics - abstract, commentary, and daily-rattling-self identification blog.

Yesterday I read an article on blood doping and the usage of performance-enhancing drugs. The author used the "game theory" from economics to explain why athletes take the risk of harming their body and walking along the sideline. The main argument is if others say they are doing it, then it's hard for other athletes to not follow. Because those who don't follow fails to compete. The english is not very hard but the idea is very interesting.
Link to article: www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=the-doping-dilemma