舊的一年終於過去

今天已經是2009的第9天了。第九天，我才開始感受到新一年的開始；今年，我比大家少了九天。

小時候，每年都會有new year resolution，設定新一年的目標、改變、計畫。我忘記我去年的是什麼，不過我記得去年我對新一年的來臨欣然接受。但是今年我卻很排斥、逃避。

去年的下半年過得不是很順遂。雖然生活中沒有發生重大傷害等事情，可是卻覺得不是很順利，也沒有開心的感覺。生活的進步就只有煮飯、健身、和成績非常差的GRE。除此之外，出國的壓力也讓人喘不過氣來，時時感到焦慮。身體也很不好，光是細菌感染就搞了三個月，害我那三個月都過得很不舒服，一直反覆使用抗身素。申請學校和健身房的支出使得我們負債累累。這些事情雖然是暫時性的，可是越調適得很差。我又不願意和對方一同分擔這樣的感受，因為這些是生活中的無奈，而無奈的事情不需要一直重複的提起。

這樣的日子一直過，對於煮飯我也開始懶惰。一部分原因也是因為不再知道要煮什麼，另外一部分是因為味覺對於"鹹"好像有一種莫名的排斥。可是肚子又常常處在餓的狀態，真是有點煩死了。

雖然是這樣，還是只能繼續讓日子過下去。至少要做到from sunrise to sundown.

[Dilemma] Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.

To discuss the statement, there are two aspects that need to take into considerations. The first one is whether honesty is the "most" important virtue for any relationship; and second, is telling the truth always preferable. In my opinion, the most important consideration of any relationship is subjective, and honesty is not always the best policy.

 

Every individual develop their value system and their relationship patterns based on past experiences. Some people who had good experiences with trusting people or knowing the truth might find honesty a very essential quality in any relationship. Yet others' experiences might lead them to believe that qualities such as patience, kindness, humorous, or wealth trump honesty. Hence, the proposition of honesty is most important would subject to individual differences.

 

On the other hand, one has to discuss whether telling the truth generates a better outcome. To me, honesty is only good when the outcome of telling the truth is good. The truth should bring out a win-win game, rather than leaving one party guilt-free and damaging the other. Consider a case where a soon-to-be husband got drunk at bachelor party and performed an inappropriate behavior, should the groom tell the bride? Suppose he told her and the bride run-off with a broken heart, is this outcome superior than if the man had said nothing because he firmly believes that he will keep his vows forever?

 

Another reason why I disagree with the statement is sometimes the event of which the truth should be told is not relate to us. Suppose one is settling a big business account with a client but accidently saw the client's wife is having an affair. Should the person tell his client for the sake of "honesty"? I would disagree because the wife's affair has nothing to do with the business deal. Furthermore, the client might not appreciate the truth and break the account. In this case, the truth would leave the salesperson no business contract and a broken marriage. Moreover, this truth is not even remotely related to the relationship between the salesman and the client.

 

In conclusion, I disagree that telling the truth is the most critical issue for any relationship. Rather, not only should one always consider the merits of each case prior to telling the truth, but also should be aware that some truths might not be related to us and hence it is not our position to tell them. All in all, honesty may not always be the best policy.

Bad day

Yesterday was terrible. The rhythm is off. There were so many things that I detested happened. More often, it is an obnoxious feeling that really bothers me. Just like as I sat on the sofa waiting for Way at the Gym, I could not help but wonder – is there really an invisible glass between the rest of the world and me that I cannot fully understand the cycle of the universe?


I met a friend at the gym on my way to the locker room. A friend whom I introduce her to personal trainer class (helped her got two free consulting classes). I joked with her of having time to come that evening and chatted. She asked me if Way came too and commented on his high energy. Then 30 minutes later, I saw her with the PT trainer. I was stunned. It was just on Monday that she asked for the PT's cell number and told us that the classes are too expensive and she doesn't want to buy them. Yet two days later (and BTW, I met her during Tuesday and Wednesday daytime), she went for a PT class. My curiosity lies here: why didn't she tell us that she signed up? Is it because she forgot? Is it because she was uncomfortable telling us that she made the opposite decision?


Way insisted that I am upset because I felt she didn't consider me as a friend. It is not even remotely true. I am not upset because she didn't tell me; I am upset because I can't figure out why. To me, I think this is very interesting. At the same time, I think I more or less use this incident and the reason behind it to evaluate the growing friendship. I just call it self-protection. The fact is an answer like-well, I just don't feel comfortable telling you- is okay because then I'd know that she's not that ready to be friends. But seriously, what is the big deal of not telling anyways?


The project has a new assistant.
People seemed to be annoyed by the long survey and reluctant to fill them. I had been asking people for 'favors' and keep telling myself that this is my job. Yes, it is my job. And apparently, I am on an hourly wage of $120 per hour.

在遷徙之中，分離成為人生的一部分

我以前問T說他是否有想到搬到另一個城市，用新的態度、新的樣子、新的風格，重新出發。在那個看不見自己過去的都市，展開一個全新的人生、認識新的朋友、建立新的關係，揮別過去的悲傷快樂和朋友。他回答我說，以前他有想過，而現在他要在「舊的城市，重新出發。」

我一直沒有真正的能體會那樣的感覺。因為在我跟他談完這件事的不久，我就繼續地在台灣的各個城市遷移。台中市北區、台中市西屯區、台南市、新竹市、桃園縣龍潭鄉、台東市。每到一個新的城市，就可以看見新的風貌；每個都市的人(總體氣質)都展現不同的特質。北部的人重視隱私，冷漠 (to some extent snobbish)、現代化、知識水平較高，有一定的社會秩序，廁所相對的乾淨。南部的溫馨溫暖，常常問你吃飽了沒，在市場愛殺價，加減排擠不會說閩南語的人。

 

但是都市遷移對我的影響超過都市差異的適應。首先，我沒有很多的家當，不念舊，隨時都可以說再見。於是認識的朋友都像是旅行中相遇的旅人，沒有「一群朋友」，沒有聯絡中的國小同學。而且，若不是因為有MSN，我的高中和我應該就完全沒有關係了吧。以前我有時會感嘆這樣的結果，雖然都是自己找來的，可是現在我大概也都釋懷了。這就是人生阿!! XD

 

移動是相對的。隨著年紀的長大，很多人都離開台灣了。我的移動就像是別人的移動。大家都和大家說再見、大家都和其他的大家成為新朋友。長大的世界中，分離只是人生的一部分。