Self-sufficient - revisit after 6 years

Out of the blue, I went through some old blog posts, and came across this one:
http://zaheeragreen.blogspot.com/2008/05/self-sufficient.html

Six years after the initial post, I am still on the path to become self-sufficient. How far have I come?

Honestly, I don't know (and I should really be getting ready for work).

But I wanted to make a note on this paragraph:

"Self-sufficient is a protection against all emergencies - financial, emotional, physically. Frankly, I don't know how to deal with Microsoft problems because I use an Apple. However, I have good friend who can help me and if time go real bad, I can send it to fix because I can afford it. Of course this is not the best scenario, but then again, I know how to do other things: I know how to turn a 'raw and live' fish into a 'dead and eatable' dish, I know how to 'chop chicken into pieces', I know how to 'paint a house and walk on the ladder', and I know how to dress myself, seduce guys, and coax them."


Seriously, I found this funny. I no longer use Apple and still don't know how to fix Microsoft problems. I do know how to filet a strip bass, cut a whole chicken, and paint TV stands. I am much better at dress in my style. I do NOT know how to seduce guys. I do get favors sometimes if I act sweetly.


Self-sufficient: an exercise, revisiting it six years later.

It's what you do that makes you brave

"What you feel doesn't matter in the end, it’s what you do that makes you brave." Andre Agassi


On a random Facebook post, I came across this quote from Andre Agassi. "It's what you do that makes you brave." I can't say I was "enlightened," but reminded that, it's about what we do with the feelings, and not just the feelings themselves.


I spend a fair amount of time, constantly, dissecting feelings: fear, annoyance, irritations, anger, unexpected happiness...By knowing the cause of a feeling, I will be able to isolate out factors that triggered the feeling, and make a decision or judge a situation. I'm hopefully, that by doing so, the decision is made with reason and logic, not instinct and intuition.


By doing so, I'm more likely to not take things personally. And by not taking things personally, I feel (again) more controlled of my environment. I wouldn't be hurt as easily because I know it wasn't personal.


Over the years, I've became extremely sensitive to subtle facial expression and body language change. I often get nervous when the reaction was not anticipated. I cannot always interpret them correctly, and likely to ponder on reactions for a prolong period of time. There was an article that showed pictures of people's eyes and asked readers to interpret their emotions. I came to the conclusion that the exercise is "culturally specific." The eyes reflect cultures and backgrounds of people (duh). The bottom line is this reading skills need learning and practice.


Back to feelings and feeling feelings: it what you do that makes you brave. This is all that matters. At the end of the day, it is about moving forward in life, despite the twists and turns.

Happy Hour with coworkers

Last night I went to a happy hour with some co-workers. It was a department sponsored event and managers expected attendance. I was tired and didn't want to go, but I went. I went because I know networking is part of the job. I know that if nothing else, I get a free drink or two. But really, I went because I don't want to be the team player when co-workers refer as: she comes in, does her job, and get paid.

I went, and I talked to one co-worker who is leaving the company for a consulting firm in NY. He shared his observations on the lack of support in this department; leadership style, and his manager; that he likes to build things, make changes. And finally he asked me - what's your ideal job, what do you want to do if? And said to work towards that goal.

Then I talked to Kevin and told him how I was upset over a recent promotion of another co-worker. That the rumor (and I believed, too) that a recent job posting that senior management shared with the department was earmarked for a specific person. I personally thought the fact that management shared the posting (due to annual feedback) to show that she is responsive to feedback, but the position was intended for a specific person was stabbing her team members in the back. But Kevin said to me - I didn't apply for the job. So what do I care.

In all fairness, he is right. I didn't apply for the job, why do i care?

Then I hanged out with four guys - Kevin, Mike, Marc, and Greg. Greg said he has been here for a while and heard people's complaints. He said people think the world or workplace is fair, but it isn't. I said - if they want fairness, they should stay in school, and "maybe" it'll be fair. Then the conversation randomly went to education reform and how schools do not teach about the real world.

Mike asked if everyone wants another round and I originally said yes but later changed my mind. Mike came back with the beers, and saw my new Sperry Top Sider. He asked me where I got it and we had a small conversation on where I bought the shoes in Westport. He said his wife will love it. As I was about to leave, Mike said he'll buy me a drink.

I was like - okay...if a co-worker is willing to buy you a drink for you to stay and chat, I better say yes.

So I stayed. By then, most people had left and it was only me and the four guys.

Then Marc and Greg left.

And Mike asked me how long I have been in the U.S., and we talked about cultural difference. When I told him how a Caucasian man gets "adore" (or to an extreme, worship) in some Asian space, he was bummed, and kept saying he wants to move to China.

The guys also talked about the "80s" and I asked them - how old they were. Turned out they were all before the 80s. They must have thought that since I brought it up, they can ask what year I was born. So I told them, and they were all like - Whoa!

I told them how everything in the U.S. is a learning process. From how to file taxes to understand the English language (ham vs a ham vs the ham vs hams).

In very recent interaction with Kevin and Debbie, who lived in CT all their lives, I have learned that this is the "real America." That many of the things I go through and experienced are foreign. The truth is, I no longer feel like I can't be honest about how challenging it is for a foreign to compete and make a living here. I started to feel like, I'm part of this community and this is my experience. And because it is my experience, it has of equal value and importance to their American experience.

In all fairness, I was glad that I went. Because once and twice and third time of these gathering, and you gradually meet and know people. You build relationship and network. When I came here last year, I knew one people in CT. I started the life from scratch, but looking at what I have accomplished - to joke and drink beers with guys, have conversations, I moved along the path. It isn't as bad as I thought.

Happier?

Finally, this week is ending. July finally ended. The month was eventful to say the least, and hopefully, August will be better. Or not? Either way, at least I am more capable of tolerating it.

It is funny how the universe comes together in its own way and lends you a hand when you are ready. So as this week, my mind sort of regains the strength to keep my head up, I came across several pieces of reading that were encouraging. As I read through this piece on giving oneself credit for being happy, I thought how much progressed I've made over the years to "not be sad."


Here are 20 signs you are happier than you think:
1. Being happy is no longer a chore.
Cannot comment.

2. You no longer focus on your problems.
3. Your relationships are less dramatic.
True for the most part until very recently.

4. You no longer complain or blame others for your situations.
Practice being accountable.

5. Your dreams are coming true.
Little by little, maybe. Life is easier, sort of. More financially stable, too.

6. You know life isn't supposed to be hard.
I don't know. I think life is hard.

7. You like who you are, and you know you're doing the best you can.
I do like who I am, most of the times yes. And I am doing the best I can.

8. You smile often, even when you're alone.
9. You feel a sense of peace in your heart.
No, not for a while.

10. You see life as an adventure and are more comfortable in the unknown.
11. You don’t take yourself so seriously.
12. You feel your feelings and allow yourself to work through them.
Yes - this one I do very well. I learned to recognize my feelings, accept them, and work through them. The most important key is to find out why I am having the feeling and it isn't a feeling I want to experience moving forward, how do I avoid the situation. 

13. You lean into love more than fear.
14. You're more comfortable in silence.
Many times, yes.

15. You're kind to yourself with your thoughts.
I try.

16. You allow people to be who they are instead of trying to change them.
Yes! 

17. You don’t take things personally. You know it isn't about you.
For the most part, yes.

18. You give without expecting anything in return.
Yes.

19. You take risks with your heart.
I do. Comicrover said I try so hard. 

20. You don’t settle.
This is a fine line...