all day every day

I feel the condition is not stable but my informal therapist thinks even if it is unstable, I seem to function alright. I can sleep, can eat, can go to work, can maintain my weekly jog.

But I am in a bad mood, all day every day. I am irritable and impatient. I am tired and stressed.

I stopped going to my real therapist because the center upset me two weeks ago. It is very stupid of me. The center has to deal with one less case but I actually need the sessions. So, stupidity on my behalf.

These are just several lines of meaningless and incomplete sentences.

This is my sulking

I didn't perform very well at work today because my mind was preoccupied with the news I got yesterday. D-boss told me that Center has not sponsored H visa since 2005. This is terrible news. I was counting on a full-time job and H visa after this contract ends. Where will I go now?

And hence, while I was so proud of putting tables together without being told to do so, I completely forgot to include three categories, which means that in terms of accomplishing a task, I failed and the extra work of putting tables is useless. This is me sulking.

I am not at all excited with life. I am tired. I have countless papers to write, and tons of papers to read. I am constantly debating when and where to get gas because I don't have the cash to do it. I tell myself not to eat non-essential food because every dollar I save is one extra dollar to spend. I can write a list of things I want for birthday and Christmas, but what is the point? I can't afford to get my hair cut. I wore a skirt to work today because you can't wear the same outfit to work two days in a row. I only have two work pants, and one is in the laundry basket.

This is me, stuck. Oh yes, I should be grateful for the daily bread. Can bread turn into words? Oh dear Lord, may I exchange the daily bread for term papers?