an email that i didn't send

I suppose you are surprise to see my email without a Re on the subject line. I can't remember the last time we spoke. An actually conversation that was not forced by my husband because he claimed that I should say a proper goodbye, which I thought was a terrible lunch.

I suppose you don't think I am apathy and a bitch for doing what I did. Perhaps you still don't understand why I had to do it. Do I resent myself for doing so? Probably not. Do I think about what I did and try to mend it. Yes. Am I progressing? No.

So what is the point of me writing an email?

I don't know. I think I just got to this point that I feel like I have to write something to you but then can't really hit the send. One'd say, but the person will see it anyhow because this person actually visits your blog, duh! Yeah, I am aware of that, but perhaps this person won't recognize it given that I am a nut.

I remember the why. Repeatedly, I ask myself if I can change myself to sort of accommodate. I can't. Maybe because I am afraid and think that it might not change anything in the end. So I don't want to take a risk. Yes, I admit.

I do think about this, maybe more often than I want to.